I actually scrapped

Nothing too flash, but at least i finished a page. It must be two months since i did my last full LO.

RED NOSE DAY/MONTH

Found these in the shops today for the first time, couldn't help myself. I bought the key ring for Tamika's bag and the 'superhero' bear for Jarry.

Tamika has started her 'seasons for growth' course which is done through the school and deals with death and marriage break ups mainly. Tamika's actual teacher is the co ordinator of the whole course, and the big thing she tells me is not to forget. She is worried she is forgetting about Kalen, so this toy for her bag she reckons is perfect.

She sits

Tahlia is now, as i call it, sitting! I left her with a pillow behind her, just incase and walked away and she was still playing away minutes later.

Another Jared accident

I thought it was a great idea, Dad and Jared could smash up some old wood into smaller pieces for the fire. I heard Ian instructing Jared to hold the hammer with two hands, then he ran inside. In that time Jared was smashing away nicely and i was picking up the pieces, but he got too excited and grabbed the wood then hammered his finger with all his might. Blood went everywhere, he howled in agony and i screamed for Ian as I'm not good at the nurse thing. His finger was black instantly and split in two places. Last night he was crying in pain so he got both panadol and neurofen. Poor little bugger.

Today he seems in a lot less pain, but we skipped swimming as that would just cause problems for sure. Instead we went to the library and got some books, he is such a trooper, but won't use that hand if his life depended on it.

Almost there..

only a few more days now, and i start the plans for Tahlia's big 1st birthday bash.

Tonight she has spun me out a bit. My sister came over with her family, and i followed her normal routine. Tahlia was great watching the kids from her high chair, then playing in the jolley jumper. In fact it was a huge brake from holding her all the time. She had her normal 2 tins for dinner, then a bath.

Just as they were leaving at 6pm, Tahlia burped and had a small spew that even came out her nose, but it upset her heaps. I tried to breast feed her as per normal after they left, but she refused, then she fully fell asleep in my arms, and is still soundly asleep now.

I hope she is just exhausted from all the playing and interaction, it's not normal for her to refuse any breastfeed, let alone the bedtime one.

Another day

Jared has turned into a great kid the last few days. I am really starting to think it's my lack of attention, or more importantly the 'one on one' thing. I have given him so many extra kisses and cuddles and told him how wonderful he has been, so between us, i hope we can keep it up.

Tahlia on the other hand still hasn't changed. I have now had almost a week of her waking in the night and not going back to sleep for at least 2hrs, and up to 4hrs later. I just don't know what to do anymore or what to try next. I took her to the Dr's again, as she had a cold and gunky eyes, no probs with the cold, but got the antibiotic gel for her eyes. She was fine the next day. Her cold has totally cleared up, so i am looking forward to seeing the clinic next week and booking into the cottage.

The Jolley Jumper has been hit and miss, she gets really cranky if i am not in the room and playing with her. I can see some issues coming up with her being obsessed by me, so just another reason to try and get things fixed now.

Just to add to her individuality, she will ONLY eat Heinz pumpkin now. Last night she blew bubbles and refused to eat my stuff. Tonight i gave in after copping another clothes and face full of pumpkin and tried the tinned stuff straight away and two tins later, i stopped not Tahlia. So not only are we going to be high maintenance, it's looks like we have expensive tastes too!!!!

Nice top Tahlia, some lovely lady sent this to you!!!! Meant to get a better picture, but only remembered in her 10min sleep!

Generally

Tahlia has a cold, so the clinic won't do anything for me till that has sorted itself out. She has yucky gunky eyes today, if they are no better tomorrow i will take her to the Dr. I wouldn't think she had conjunctivitis as she hasn't been exposed to it at all, but tonight her eyes looked actually red and sore.

Jared has only been given back his puzzle to play with and then return in perfect order, and he got to wear his boots tonight as he went to soccer practise with his cousin.

Every day is still a challenge, but i feel i am in a better frame of mind.

Swimming today

Jared is going great guns at swimming, in fact he is not far from Tamika's level. But he has to sulk so much just to get in the pool now it's becoming an effort. Today he took the cake, by running away from me, then grabbing onto a stand that holds chips, chubba chubs etc, and as i grabbed him, he pulled the whole thing down. Chips floating in the pool, and one screaming Jared that was picked and placed in the water. 1 minute later he was fine and swimming as you would wish!!!!!

Just had to share the excitement of my life, i did apologise to the lady that cleaned up all the mess that included lots of floating stuff, but hey she was cool, just keep paying the fee's and she's happy!

Education week

Tamika had her open day at school last week. Ian took an hour off work and we met together at school. We spent half an hour in the class room, watching their activities and games, then Tamika showed us the work she has done. On the back wall of the class room they have set up all the photo's of the families from each new Kindergarten student on their first day, lucky for Tamika we have two up on display, as Jared refused to get in the first picture. That's our Jarry! I even had other kids come and tell me we had two pictures.

After that we went outside to play word hopscotch. Tahlia saved me, as it's just a bit beyond my capabilities to draw with her in the carrier, so Ian took on the job, quite funny. But, he had to go back to work, so that was the end of his help.

Lunch was soon on and the line for the sausage sizzle was huge, 10 minutes later we got snags, but not after Jared starting climbing everything in sight, running away and causing just plain mischief. I really hate not having the mobility to keep up with him when i have Tahlia.

Anyways, the lunch ended as soon as Jared finished eating as i just could not control him. It was only minutes to the bell, but i still dragged Jared to say goodbye to Tamika, and said sorry to Tamika, we had to go.

Ready to throw in the towel, seriously!

I want to hand back my title as Mother today, things are just getting way too hard. Jared goes from one destructive thing to another, and Tahlia doesn't know waking life on her own.

So plans for Jared, confiscated; all DVD's (for not looking after them), new puzzle from Nanny (missing pieces in less than one week), new converse boots (ripped out all the laces), his texta's (pulling them apart to do spray paints) and new rule he is not to touch Tahlia's toys (sick of finding them in every part of the house).

Tahlia's plans, promised Ian i will get referral for 'cottage', our settling day stay clinic here on the coast. Tresillian if i get no help from that.

Wish me luck :)

Tamika has been a champ, trying so hard as she see's me so frustrated.

Jolly Jumper

Tahlia's first time in the jolly jumper.

You can't deny Tamika and Jared's obsession with their little sister!

Mother's Day

Another Mother's day has come and gone, and once again i can't really get into it. 14 Mother's Days ago, mum died and all i seem to do is watch the clock and wonder what i was doing back that day. I really want to enjoy the day, but i can't no matter how Ian or i try.

I got a nice bunch of flowers and a jumper and shirt i had bought for the kids to give me, which was desperately needed.

Tahlia and mummy weekend

Dad took Tamika and Jared up to Forster this weekend for Mother's Day, so that just left Tahlia and I. Besides the major cleaning that has been going on, it has been so nice not to be so hectic. I ducked out and saw Oliver's soccer game, but that was the extent of my travels.

Tahlia is now 6 months and i just want this month to fly, then hopefully i can sit back and enjoy her and not stress too much. I am still being strong and have not worked out the mathematics to when in comparison Kalen died, I'll do that after this month is up. I know the stress i went through when it was the 1st anniversary of Kalen's death, so i don't want to know the right dates. Just let this month end. Also it is the month of the anniversary of mum's death.

I am happy with how i am going, i still could not sleep at night without the angelcare monitor, the best investment i have made. I have weaned myself from having the parent unit blaring in the kitchen at night, as that was waking me from her stirring. She doesn't generally sleep during the day, despite my best efforts, so no need to worry then.

The amount of times i have held her, with all the thoughts in my head about Kalen, and tried to take in everything i can. Her smell, her touch, the look in her eye's, how her toes look, the shape of her head.............i know just how quickly it can all be taken away.

Catch up

Last weekend we had Kristy and her family, and Jo come and stay. It was great catching up, and so nice to have a drink and relax. So much so, i never even pulled the camera out. Kristy got some pics though, so will get copies when she gets back home. The kids all behaved pretty well, but little bully Liam, lol (whom may i add is a foot shorter and six months younger than Jared), managed to hit Jarry a few times. I'm stoked that Jared didn't retreat, as he is pretty rough these days. Liam is such a little character, lives in his own world it's so cute, especially his commentary on the bikes.

Second night turned into a nightmare, with Liam vomitting all night and Jared screaming about monsters, but all had a laugh in the morning.

Monster problem is going good, no drama's last night, keeping my fingers crossed.

Monsters in our backyard

I just have to get this written down now, so hopefully i can pay Jared back a bit for the lack of sleep over the last week.

On Anzac day Tamika managed to convince Jared we have monsters. I could see his little mind ticking over when she was telling him, so i canned the conversation very quickly. I thought it was all ok until bedtime, when it was obvious Jared was scared. I talked to him, and thought between Ian and I, we had him sorted out with the idea Tamika was only tricking him. NO, that first night, he must have woken 6 times petrified and shaking.

Next night, we locked his window, closed up his curtains properly and all seemed well till the middle of the night again. He has now woken every night, just so scared and we don't seem to be able to settle him.

He has been harping on about being the only one that sleeps alone in the house, so we thought fine, Tamika can move back into his room to sleep, she started all this. She wasn't happy about it either, which made it that little bit more satisfying.

So there it is for the moment, Tamika back in with Jared. Last night he only woke once, so hopefully things should start to go back to normal.