Today....

Tahlia gained 100gr this week so that is good, but that's the end of the good part. I'm losing the plot now, and am snapping at Ian and just so not happy with my life. Things don't seem so bad right now, as Tahlia has been in bed for over an hour, but it is. Tonight is Ian's last night shift this week, so I am looking forward to tomorrow night and chatting with him after the kids are in bed. I have to tell him i NEED a break, he has to take Tahlia from me for an hour. Now just to build up the strength to ask for help! Why is that so hard?

I spilled it all out to my sister tonight, but we both agree i have to ask Ian first. She is more than happy to try and give me a break, but Ian is Dad. For the first time in a year i have my stress rash back, so i know this is starting to knock me about.

Talking to the nurse today, solids was mentioned. She made me feel so much better saying that 'we try to get to 6 months before solids, but some babies just can't wait'. My new goal is 5 months, only 2 weeks away now. Not that i'll rush out the day she is 5 months, but it just doesn't seem as long away.

Just as i am about to melt down and crack i get one of those cutsy emails talking about the important things in life. I don't normally even bother reading them, but the first line got me straight away.

One day someone's mother died. And on that clear, cold morning, In the warmth of her bedroom, the daughter was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more. No more hugs, No more lucky moments to celebrate together, No more phone calls just to chat, No more "just one minute."Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say 'I Love You'.

So while we have it . . it's best we love it . . And care for it and fix it when it's broken, and take good care of it when it's sick.This is true for marriage.... And friendships. And children with bad report cards; And dogs with bad hips; And aging parents and grandparents.We keep them because they are worth it, Because we cherish them!

I, of all people should know this, why do i get so angry and upset at Tahlia, i should cherish every breathing moment. This is where the guilt sets in.

Ok, off to check her monitor again........