Jared

the upcoming soccar star...

the punk rock climber

Just for fun....

I did this first page all on it's ownsome, but when the challenge came up at Blumars WW of doing a LO without a picture, this was the best idea i could come up with. Not to mention i missed the hint about the 'love' theme, so don't think i was too convincing when i told everyone how much Tahlia really loves the phone.

This was also for the Blumars WW. The challenge was to decorate a bandaide tin, this was my decorated tin.

3 chickadee's off to school

Bits and pieces in craft world

This Lo is for the monthly challenge at Blumars. This is still my fav photo of the goldenchild so far. I also used the bubblewrap painting technique taught to us by Sharnook at Blumars. I used the two different sizes of bubbles for the two colours to help match her dress.

Look at this, i learnt to emboss, finally!!!! I hade some luck last week and Ian hurt his foot (that wasn't the lucky part, lol) and had a couple of days off work. So managed to slip in one of Rachel Greig's classes on 'shabby chic'. Always love Rachel's classes and hope to do another one at the end of the month, 'brushless painting techniques'. Have my talked my sister into coming too, so hopefully i can get her into craft stuff yet!

Wednesday the 13th of February

At least the day is almost over. I have had a dreadful headache all day, not even panadol could cure, not sure if i should blame Kalen or Tahlia for it. Too much going through my head. Just a miserable day all round including the weather. I felt pretty down this morning but have picked up over the day. There is nothing really nice at all about this day. We planned to go down the beach this afternoon, but it was too cold and miserable.



One shining part of the day was Tahlia at child care, she had a great day!!! I'm totally shocked and was not prepared for her to spend the day there. So kept pottering around the house cleaning and tidying. Will be better planned for Friday :). I am just so proud of her.



Ian and i weren't game to go out to lunch so oppted for takeaway hamburgers instead, but the shop was closed due to Chinese new year. Must keep that in mind for next year, lol! So toasted cheese and tomato sanga's at home it was.

Tomorrow

is one big bad day. I already have mixed emotions about Tahlia starting Preschool, and know it is going to end in tears, mine and her's. Not to add the already emotions of Kalen. This afternoon has been a mixed run of what i was doing this time two years ago.

I think today will be worse than tomorrow, or i am hoping. I know last year, my main thought was 'thank goodness it's not one year ago'. It still rips my heart apart when i let myself really go back to that time.

One good thing.....i always thought i'd never let go of the thoughts of Kalen's actual death, something i thought about every single day. Now i don't think about it daily, have been lately, but that's made me realise.

Two things that made my day today, a wonderful friend visited for lunch, someone who will probably never realise how much they mean to me, and another friend who rang. She was looking for someone to take over a gardening job and wanted someone with good work ethics. I can't help her out, but chuffed i was asked.

Really missing my little boy tonight, and there was something sad about putting Tahlia down to sleep tonight.

more

I took Jared to speech therapy this week and picked up 'Sydney's child' ( a free large mag published based around Sydney and childrens interests). Really only picked it up as we were 10mins early. Flick thru and the first article that grabs my attention is 'Pregnancy after loss'. Knowing these articles are normally based on miscarriage and still birth, it still always gets me after the stress and agony i went thru with Tahlia. I read, and to cut this story short, i start to feel some resemblances not only with me but with another story i have heard recently. Yes, it's the lady from Australian story. So now i have her name 'Jane Hansen' and her book was '3 Seasons', that's when i put it all together.

I am just so satisfied someone can get out there and tell their story and be of such strength. I am no one, but i am just so proud of this lady.

Why do things happen the way they do?

Today I put Tahlia down to bed just before 12 for her sleep and she went off as per usual. Big kids were taken down the beach by Dad as the sun came out unexpectantly. So indulged myself with a bit of scrapping and had a go at the bubble wrap LO class by Sharnook.

Next i hear Tahlia crying, wait a moment thinking she'll go back to sleep, but more crying and it's getting worse. Knowing she won't be going back to sleep, i get her up after only half an hour. Figure i'll sit on the lounge and watch TV and hope she nods back off to sleep, as she normally sleeps a solid 2hrs.

So grab remote and flick on TV, note here that i don't watch TV pretty much ever. Get to ABC and see premmie baby and new i was hooked to what ever this show was going be. Turned out to be 'Australian story', and was the story of parents who lost a baby at 8months from the ongoing complications of cronic lung problems from premature birth. They took him home from 3 and a half months, he was going so well.

Anyways, i sat there just bawling, tears wetting my lap trying to avoid dripping all over Tahlia. The interviews with mum were just so intense and the words she was saying about losing a child rang only too true. (now i'm crying again) So i keep holding Tahlia tight and watch the entire show.

Two things i just can't let go off, these are not quotes by any means, just how i remember them,

the overwhelming love and grief hits everysingle cell in your body, it is a state of mind, something you become

i have a broken heart, but it is a bigger and better one now

She was or is, an amazing woman, i should find out more about her, she has written a book.

Well Tahlia fell back asleep, so i wonder why she woke up and i put on the TV!

Decision made

Well it was pretty clear where i was heading, but just needed the back up support from those i love. So it's official, the Goldenchild starts preschool not this week but next and i start my extra shifts in March. This way she get's to have a gradual intro to preschool, and the first week or two she'll only go a couple of hours.

Positives,
* I trust and am happy with the care Tahlia is going into. This is the fifth year i have have children in there.
* Tahlia needs more interaction without me involved, maybe one day she will actually let someone else hold her
* Money
* I am heaps more organised when i work, sounds weird, but i am. No time to put things off till tomorrow
* two full days with no one home, hence no one to make mess:)
* I love my job and it will be great to get back into it more. The more i am there, the easier my job is all round, if that makes sense.
* Dad gets to be more of a Dad ;)
* Already have some holiday hrs owing so it shouldn't be a problem getting the week off here and there that i need over the coming year.

Negatives,
* Less home time which means less craft time.
* No swimming lessons this year for Tahlia as i'll always have Jarry too.
* Coping while we go thru the 'adjusting' stage with Tahlia being left at preschool.
* Preschool illnesses :(

So positives definately outweigh the negatives.