The sun shines again

Feeling so much better now Ian isn't on night shift and even Tahlia has been a lot better. Yesterday she had an hour sleep, was great going straight off to bed last night at 7pm, woke at 4am for a feed then slept till 7am. So a good nights sleep has done wonders too.

Yesterday was parent watching day at Tamika's dance classes, so cute! I love seeing her trying and concentrating so hard. She is a little ballerina in the making. Today is school dance classes, so Jared can't wait to take his new basketball down to the school to shoot some hoops with mum.

Today IS going to be a good day, I'm determined!

Today....

Tahlia gained 100gr this week so that is good, but that's the end of the good part. I'm losing the plot now, and am snapping at Ian and just so not happy with my life. Things don't seem so bad right now, as Tahlia has been in bed for over an hour, but it is. Tonight is Ian's last night shift this week, so I am looking forward to tomorrow night and chatting with him after the kids are in bed. I have to tell him i NEED a break, he has to take Tahlia from me for an hour. Now just to build up the strength to ask for help! Why is that so hard?

I spilled it all out to my sister tonight, but we both agree i have to ask Ian first. She is more than happy to try and give me a break, but Ian is Dad. For the first time in a year i have my stress rash back, so i know this is starting to knock me about.

Talking to the nurse today, solids was mentioned. She made me feel so much better saying that 'we try to get to 6 months before solids, but some babies just can't wait'. My new goal is 5 months, only 2 weeks away now. Not that i'll rush out the day she is 5 months, but it just doesn't seem as long away.

Just as i am about to melt down and crack i get one of those cutsy emails talking about the important things in life. I don't normally even bother reading them, but the first line got me straight away.

One day someone's mother died. And on that clear, cold morning, In the warmth of her bedroom, the daughter was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more. No more hugs, No more lucky moments to celebrate together, No more phone calls just to chat, No more "just one minute."Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say 'I Love You'.

So while we have it . . it's best we love it . . And care for it and fix it when it's broken, and take good care of it when it's sick.This is true for marriage.... And friendships. And children with bad report cards; And dogs with bad hips; And aging parents and grandparents.We keep them because they are worth it, Because we cherish them!

I, of all people should know this, why do i get so angry and upset at Tahlia, i should cherish every breathing moment. This is where the guilt sets in.

Ok, off to check her monitor again........

and again...

OMGoodness, this little girl of mine is driving me totally bonkers now. I spend most the day carrying her and only get the morning time with her happily playing on the floor or in either of her rockers. I have pretty much packed up my scrap stuff as it's just not worth the effort atm. I am only just keeping up with the house stuff, but have been making a huge effort with Tamika and Jared. They are the ones that are also suffering, as i am crabby and always one handed to help and spend time with them. I don't think i have read one book to them since Tahlia has been born without her on me someway.

Sitting on my lap isn't good enough either for Tahlia, so hence my lack of any real time on the computer. My time here is now dominated with her feeds, but too hard to type to be bothered.

Ian helps with the bigger kids, but isn't much use with Tahlia. You know things are rough when you would prefer to cook dinner than sit in front of Tahlia in the bath. I just need to know my two hands do still work together consecutively. Ian is on night shift 7 of 8, so things probably seem a bit worse too. One night to go now.

Tomorrow i am back to the clinic to check her weight. I have stopped feeding her 2hly, as i felt half her probs were wind, so have gone the last two days feeding 2.5 - 3hrs apart. She wakes 50/50 for a night feed the other nights i wake her when i get up at 3-4am ish.

Tahlia again...

I know my blog should be named "Tahlia", but she really does dominate my life. She is still very unsettled during the day, as she just never sleeps!!! Each bedtime is getting earlier and earlier as she just gets so over tired. Tonight she was fast asleep by 6.15pm on my shoulder as i brushed the bigger kids teeth. I still haven't heard a peep from her. I know she will wake for a feed when she needs one so, lucky me! In fact , brag coming up here, all kiddies asleep by 6.45 here tonight (must add i promised the park in the morning if they went straight to sleep). Why is it, i am so much more organised when Ian isn't home???

Tonight i actually sat down for 30 mins and did some scrapping, how nice! Here is a pressie for my MIL, an exploding box from SYS and Elisabeth's wonderful class.

Talhia's weight this week

Well i am very happy to report Miss Tahlia gained 200gr this week, which is above what the max expected is, at this age. So i can now at least see some rewards for my hard work.

She has still been very unsettled during the day the last week, but today and yesterday had a good sleep, so hopefully things are slowly improving all round.

16th March 2007

Already feeling much better, just had one of those down days. I have woken Tahlia for the last 3 nights when she has stirred and given her a big feed so hopefully this will help with her weight gain. Tuesday I'll be back at the clinic for another bare weight and if she doesn't gain much this week i really don't know what else to do.

Ian has been officially offered his new job and resigned from his old one. After 17 years, it's going to be a huge change for him and he'll miss a lot of people from there. His last day of work is the 13th of April, then starts his new job on the 16th April. Can't wait to get the NEW company car!!!! Anyone want a Festiva going cheap, lol! One other down side is no holidays for a year, so it'll only be a weekend away now for a while.

Little Miss Tamika has been sent home from school today sick. She complained of a headache this morning but was sure she was well enough for school. Her teacher sent her down to sick bay with a note for me to be rung, but when she got there she insisted she was ok and went back to her classroom. Seconds later was sick all over the classroom and herself poor darling. She still isn't well and complaining of a bad headache.

13th March 2007

Had an all round miserable day today. Broke down in tears at the health clinic when i was asked how i was going with Tahlia getting closer to 6 months. Something i rarely did in public in the beginning, let alone a year later. Then things didn't improve when i found out Tahlia had only gained 50 gr in 2 weeks. So I'm feeling a bit of a failure and i am really trying so hard with breastfeeding Tahlia. Couldn't help myself though and bought some rice cereal, i know i won't give it to her for a while but at least it is there.

I had my follow up appointment last week on my hernia and i am booked in to see a surgeon in May. I had hoped it wouldn't need surgery but the insistence of the midwives to have it followed up kind of told me it was something that needed to be attended to.

Dad on the day Tahlia was born

Other bits of news.....

Sadly Dad has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Not being in private cover anymore, he is paying for a full prostectomy (sp?) that will be done in the beginning of June. So far all the results have shown that the cancer hasn't spread and is still quiet small, so the outlook is good. I have gotten over the initial shock and the more i learn about prostate cancer, i am feeling more at ease with what is happening. Dad is very positive about it all, so i guess i should be too. I'm still scared though.

On a happier note, it looks as though Ian is about to change jobs. Just waiting on one more reference to be checked and the official letter will be typed up. The new job is with Aristocrat as a poker machine technician. The hours are perfect, 8am till 3pm most days, and nights are only when there are big jobs on. We do have a huge drop in wage, but I'm sure we'll survive and i know Ian will be so happy doing this job.

Tamika 8th March 2007

Miss Tamika is now very settled into Kindergarten at BIG school and loving every moment of it. She loves being kept busy which is what school is doing for her. Both her teachers are lovely and Tamika loves them both. We new Tamika would be Ok not having Ella in her class, but it's so nice to know they spend recess and lunch time playing together. One thing that made me laugh, Tamika wanted 2 minute noodles for school to eat uncooked, so in they went into her lunch box the next day. When i asked her if she wanted them again she said 'no they take too long to eat and i don't have enough time to play'. That is just so Tamika!

Tamika also won the class award this week. We are not sure exactly why yet, she thinks it for 'being good and nice and stuff'!

Dancing lessons have also been a big hit, although Tamika calls them Ballet lessons and won't be told otherwise. I can't wait till the end of year concert to see her dance, especially as we are not allowed to watch the lessons, i have no idea what to expect.

We still call her a 'box head' as she just loves the Tv, would watch it all day if you let her. Having said that though, she would pick a swim down the beach anytime over Tv.

Swimming has become great for Tamika too, she now confidently swims around a pool no problems at all. She is building confidence down the beach too, next year at Nippers should be great for her.

All in all Tamika has turned into a lovely child to have around. A few cheeky comments since starting school and the eye rolling is becoming common, but other than that she is great. She really wants to please Ian and I, and when she does get into trouble the waterworks are fierce.

Most nights she still has to sleep in the spare room, but she is happy with that. I look forward to the day when Tahlia goes off to sleep easily and they can both share the room as intended.

Jared 8th March 2007

To write about Jared i have to say from my view, then from outside the family. I often get such great comments about Jared from preschool, 'oh he is such a lovely good boy, so happy, blah blah', but i cannot say he has the same behaviour at home. The more comfortable he is, the naughtier.

He really wants to be a good boy, but boredom gets him too easily and he slips again. Having Tamika at school has settled him down a bit, and seeing them playing nicely together after school is really great. Jared really looks forward to picking Tamika up from school.

Swimming lessons started last week and both Ian and i were unsure to how he would handle it. He was shy and timid at first, but by the end of the lesson he was his cheeky self to the teacher. He got new goggles for the occasion and just loves them. Caught him a few times perched on the lounge watching TV with them on too.

He is very clever with a ball catching and throwing very well. Miles ahead of his big sister on this one. He just loves all sports especially cricket.

Next year we are able to put him into Kindergarten, but are waiting the first 6 months of the year to see what the assessment from preschool has to say. His speech is improving all the time, so hopefully that won't be the reason is he doesn't go.

Tahlia 8th March 2007

Tahlia is now only days off 4 months, and i can't say that time has flown. Every month seems a long one, i know i shouldn't wish her baby time away, but i just want her to be older.

She has started rolling from her back to tummy, which is all very clever till you find her on her tummy at 4am asleep. I have ordered a safety sheet for her, so that should do the trick. She is also just starting to play with her toys, clumsily but trying.

After a few weeks of fenugreek tablets and heaps of feeding she is back on track with her weight gain. I can also see some more fat on her legs too.

Her thumb is still constantly in her mouth, and i know she has it in her mouth most the night too.

Nights are still fantastic with Tahlia sleeping from 8pm till 6am. Getting to sleep is still a 50/50 thing and some nights she still has a little cry before sleep. Once she has all her wind up she go off straight away, it's just getting that to happen. Days are hit and miss, some days she has a good sleep, others just 10min catnaps.

Next week i will do a 4 month check and add in her details.

Tahlia is a happy baby most the time, just needs her sleep like most babies. She loves the attention from the bigger kids and she certainly won't grow up feeling unloved, that's for sure.

Bath time is also still a fun thing, and she spends nearly an hour in there most nights.