So how am i going 'now'?

I have been asked this a bit lately, so i thought i would try and sum it all up here.

Definitely still good and bad days. It's hard not getting upset when I'm doing the 10th lap around my house with an unsettled baby. I think the better things are generally, the better i feel about everything. I guess everyone is like that. The two hours i was waiting to hear how Dad went with his operation, were really worrying for me. At the time, in my philosophical way was thinking...i feel like a smashed pain of glass, that has finally had all the pieces picked up and slowly put back together, but I'm still very fragile, please don't add any extra pressure

Friends tend to think it will be upsetting for me to see kids the same age as Kalen should be, but i find it the opposite. It helps me to imagine what he would be up to, as this is something i find hard to do.

It's still very important to me to include Kalen in the answer to the question, How many kids do you have now? Catching up with old friends from old social circles, i just have to tell them when the subject of family comes up.

Reading the monthly SIDS newsletters breaks me up everytime and takes me right back to the original pain. Reading stories of others is like a sad addiction, as depressing as they are, it's also nice to know you aren't the only one.

Music, as it does, also brings back memories, obviously Creed's With arm's wide open, but also 'Forever young' and 'Seen better days' by Pete Murray.

Tamika is still doing her "Seasons for growth" course through the school and i was happily surprised to find out there are 2 other boys in her class doing it too. I never wanted her to singled out with all this and it makes it more comforting to know others are with her from her class.